Left Out

I realized that I have this fear of being left out. Today, out of nowhere, everybody is asking me out. And this one guy even asked me more than once (to different places).

Stef : "Hey, I'm looking for a shoe and I could use a girl's opinion. Do you wanna come with me? I was thinking Senayan City maybe?"
Me : "No I can't. I just got back from facial and I look horrible"
Stef : "Owh cmon... I'm sure it's not that bad"
Me : "No.. Sorry"
Stef : "Ok.."

Few hours later...

Stef : "Hey, let's just go to Starbucks?"
Me : "Not today..."

Few hours later...

Stef : "I feel like going to a club"
Me : "Go then..."
Stef : "But I don't wanna go on my own"
*owh cmon...*

And some other friend of mine too. It's like suddenly everybody wanna go out tonight.

Waleed : "Hey, do you have plan tonight?"
Me : "Na.. I'm gonna stay home tonight"

Then...

Rizky : "Heyyyyyyy Let's go outtttt to X2 or something"
Me : "I can't..."
Rizky : "Why?"
Me : "I can't be too late. My family is gonna complaint"
Rizky "Ugh... You're so not cool"

That conversation made me realize how much I'm afraid of being left out. I want to go out with them because I wanna be that "fun-friend" of theirs so they will keep in touch with me. Why would I feel that?

I remember once I said to myself: why bother to keep in touch with people who don't even want you in their life? And yet now I am so afraid of losing them. Clearly they only want to do fun stuff only with me but why do I feel this way? It's like as if I always want to be that so-called happening girl.

I can't always please everybody and obviously I'm not that IT girl. I need to refresh myself...
Good night xx

Lust Is In The Air

I've gained bad reputation from the way I party and the people I hang with last time. Somehow nobody really talks about that anymore but I sense something else is on its way. Now it's from the way people interpret my pictures. I have to admit that I did take pictures which might intrigue people to think differently. However, I never thought it would be that bad.

Some people said it's from the way I dress. Even my sister-in-law told me that if she would to describe my style, she would say sexy... Not just sexy - sexy but "daring" kind of sexy. And many others said the same thing. Some even describe my style as "bitchy". I don't know if I should feel flattered or ashamed? Well, I don't plan on changing my style because I am comfortable and more confident with it. But if that make me look like a freakin prostitute... I need to change it... I need some honest opinion.

Anyway, I was experimenting with this piece of cloth free from Cosmopolitan Indonesia magazine. It supposed to be a vest from (X)S.M.L but I just couldn't tie it like they did so I made my own. Just want to make full use of it rather than using it as a shawl only. I'm pretty satisfied. However tho. This picture did become "something"... Anyway, here's another version of the vest.

It looked so much better from the back but I didn't take a picture of it. Will do next time ;)

Good night xx

No String Attached

I know there's a movie with the exact same title. But I'm not here to review about the movie. This is my blog and the last time I check, this blog was not about movie reviews.

I was thinking about MY friend with benefit. I realize that we really are "friends with benefit". We use each other openly and nobody mind. Maybe because we both know there is no way we could be together in the future. First, I'm buddhist and he's moslem. Second, I'm Indonesian and he's Malaysian. Third, we have nothing in common that we could barely have a long conversation. The only thing we have in common is to use each other. I'm not proud of it but that's the fact.

We were chatting thru inbox on Facebook when he said "I want you desperately"... And I know right away what he meant by that. That made me think... Why am I doing this? I have plenty of answer for this question:
# 2009 tragedy has totally shut my door for trusting people and real love. Basically it is really hard for me to trust people... EVER... Especially when people told me they love me. I think it's bullshit.

# I kinda enjoy this anyway. I get to be with someone when I need to and yet I'm free to flirt with anyone I want. I can kiss anyone I want and I can sleep with anyone I feel like sleeping with. And my "friend-with-benefit"? He has no right to be jealous. He has no right to ask me questions. He doesn't own me like Ian does.

# Because I can.

And for now I do not see anything wrong with what I'm doing. Maybe someday when I look back I will find something negative bout this but I'm really enjoying this at the moment. As the matter of fact, I think I should find more "friends"...

Good night xx

Baby

I was browsing through my Facebook when I came across Tracy's picture of her son, Tristan. He's her son with Leo, Ian's brother. But they are no longer together. I mean, Tracy has a new boyfriend and so does Leo.

I don't understand how can two people who have baby together are not together? If a guy got me pregnant, I want him to be with me. He couldn't just fuck me and leave me with a baby. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. I want to have a baby but I don't want to have it alone. I sure couldn't have one on my own coz I need part of someone else to make a baby so hell yeah I want that someone to be part of my baby's life too.

The more I look at the pictures, the more I see Nashville's face. He looks like his father (and mother too of course). If I am the one with the baby and my baby' father is not with me, I would be a lil frustrated because I see the father' face everyday. There will be a lil hate and a lil missing him feeling.

Maybe it's different with Tracy because her and Leo are still in good term but they are not together. Or maybe it's just me who think so. Anyway, I wouldn't want that because I couldn't live with such condition.

Good night...

I screwed it up :S

Ever since the interview with the G company, I couldn't get my mind off one thing I said during the interview. It was about the expected salary. I don't know the standard of the salary these days (which is my fault) and I set my standard wayyyyy too much and now they will never call me back. And yes I am being negative because I know it's true. Interview always ask about expected salary because every company has their budget and I totally set mine wayyyyyyyyyyy pass that. The point is, I screwed it up.

However, I got another interview at an Event Organizing company and it's somewhat promising. Maybe it's a sign from the universe that the job from G company is just not for me. And insisting on it will only push my luck away. At first I was devastated when I realized the mistake I made but now when I come to think of it, I am more subtle and calm.

I have to go through this second part of the interview with the EO company on Monday. The director wants to see my work. I don't mind working for them. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to work with them. I'll see how things go.

For now, let's go to sleep.
Good night xx

First Interview

So it's my first interview of the two that I have this week. It was with the G Company. I was a lil nervous because this company requires fashionable person and I'm not sure if I'm fashionable enough for them. Personally I think my style is ok. But I'd never know what people think of the way I dress. So I asked few people bout what they think of my style.

1. My Sister
Me : "If you have to define my style, what is the word?"
Sist : "Fun. You love to play with colors and accessories"

2. Egie
Me : "Egie, if you have to define my style, what will you say?"
Egie : "Hm..." *silent* "Bold! Yea... Bold!"
Me : "Like my Blackberry... Nice"

3. My friend, Stiven (without me asking)
Stiven : "Hmm... You have this bitchy style. But somehow it fits you"
Me : "................................."

I don't know what my style is but I do love fashion. And I love how my friend or my family asks fashion suggestion from me. Like when they send me their pictures in the fitting room and asking if it looks ok... And I feel really great when they are happy with my suggestion.

The interview went alright. The position that they offered is Marketing Communication Executive. Hell, I don't know much about Marketing but I can learn bout it and I will. First I was interviewed with a fun looking girl named Angela. And then another dude name Angga. He was fun too. And those are the most fun interview that I had ever attended:
Angga : "Do you read magazines?"
Me : "Yes! Of course I do"
Angga : "What magazine?"
Me : "Cosmopolitan, Cleo, Harper's Bazaar, Instyle, Hello, Elle... Even teenager magazine like GoGirl!"

Angga : "So, who's your favorite designer?"

Me : "Vivienne Westwood"

Angga : "Why?"

Me : "Normal clothes comes in normal or regular shapes. But not her. She has this unique shape, ruffles, laces..."

Angga : "Patterns... Owh yea, totally. I got your point."

Me : "I love Guess too"

Angga : "Really?"

Me : *putting my bag on the desk... It's Guess*

Angga : "Oh my God! Guess bag!"

Me : "Yea, and my watch is Guess too"

Angga : *excited* "Owh! My team should see this!! This is Guess too" *showing me his watch* "Anyway..."

How can I not like him? I like him. I like this job. So I really have to keep my fingers crossed because I start to fall in love with this company like I did with my previous company. Here are few key points which made me fall in love:

#My job will be around fashion world

#My job will involve event organizing

#My job will involve travelling

#My job requires me to meet people from everywhere

It's hard to not like it. It's what I've been looking for. The only obstacle now is my background which is not in marketing... At the end of the interview he told me that he need to talk to his boss and they will be in touch... 

Hoping...

Good night

xx

Valentine's Day

I know how people gets lovey dovey when this day come. This day is not necessary for couple only. You may celebrate with friends, family, or, in my case, my personal trainer.

I decided to spend my Valentine, shaping up. Not because I don't have a boyfriend, no. I have Lennie as my Valentine but we couldn't make it at the end. So I was training as usual, spent my day as normal as any other day when I saw 4 missed calls from Lennie and an unread email. I called Lennie and guess what she had to tell me? She went for interview and the lady asks if Lennie happened to know anybody who's currently looking for a job. She thought of me and mentioned me to her. She got me an interview with the lady :)

And I got an email from my sister-in-law's friend. I don't think I should mention the name of the company. So I'm gonna call it "G Company". In the email she said that she tried to call me but couldn't reach through so she wanted me to reply her email or simply call her back. I called and got myself another interview on Wednesday 4PM. I couldn't be happier! It's the best Valentine ever! :D :D :D

I really hope I could get this right. I hope I could land myself a job in one of the companies *fingers-crossed*