2009 is coming to an end

It has been a year full of life lesson for me. It has been great. It has been wonderful. It has been the worst of my life too.

It was wonderful because I met Ian Nashville. I got to love someone after 9 years stuck with Daniel. And unbelievably, I love Ian more than anyone I had crush with. It was a nice feeling, loving Ian. It was nice to once feel the feeling of being loved.

I was the worst of my life because I got my heart broken into pieces and although anyone can fix it, it's not gonna be da same. It left a big scar. Noticeable. Still gonna hurt. I was blank for few months because of this. Who would have thought I will have such a dramatic life? Haha. Life is so unpredictable.

It has been a magical number 6 this year. Everything that I do. Anywhere I go, I will have this number following me. I think it must like me so much so it left Ian.

I just hope I will have a more exciting year in 2010. No more Ian... Back to the cheerful Haryati :) ......... At least I hope so.

Thank you for everything 2009 :)
I will miss you.
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Play it nice

I didn't expect someone could really turn into such evil. Especially him.

I'm going to Kuching on January. Never did I expect that. Didn't see it coming. My dad rang me on "Sunday" and asked me to ask for leave frm office on "January" because he wants me to go to "Kuching". See the connection? Fack (there is no dispelling here). I just can't run away from going back to da things that reminds me of you.

I called my bro DJ 68 and asked for his favor. Less that I know he would told me something shocking instead.
Him: just be honest wif me sist.. Were u with him?
Me: yea
Him: then he lied to me... A lot
Me: what? Wtf? Wat did he say?

Shit. Fack. He talk behind my back. And not the reality. He's been hiding the truth under the clinquant leaves of himself. Fack. Fack. Fack. This is the thing that I hate the most. I promised myself he would regret if he ever, EVER... Say something untrue and bad bout da relationship we had. Fack. I don't like this.

Andre told me that he's going back to Jakarta soon. Which means he won't be there when I'm around. Again and again, he successfully run away frm me.

It's ok. Ian whom I love has died. This guy who happened to hav da same name is crazy. And he's messing wif me. Hmmm. No no no. Dats not a right move... You better apologize before it get worse. Play it nice... Play it nice...
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I miss...

When I decided to forget you, I miss you even more. What should I do, Ian?
I miss that green car that we drove when I was around.
I miss hanging out at KFC with you.
I miss being in a club watching you spinning n droppin dope beats.
I miss hugging you from da back...
I miss holding ur hands, though you know my hands are sweaty n gross.
I miss messing up your hair when you're driving.
I miss your smell.
I miss you...

It's raining, Sir... You love the rain but again, you know me, I don't like being alone in the rain. I used to have you... I used to...

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Love is in the air

I know it's not Valentine's day. I know this is not xmas as well. And I absolutely aware that this is not a special day.

Apart of all those facts, I think da love is in the air :)

My dear friend, Yennie is now officially Willy's gf. I didn't expect this couple cos I didn't even know that they were close. Durrh. I'm so outdated. I'm too lost in my own Ian Nashville world. It's like I live in his shadow. Anyway, I asked Yennie bout it. Didn't get the whole romantic story tho. Hahaha. I'm happy for her. Wish them all da best n happily ever after. Just like fairytale ;D

And my lovely Lennie is now with Nish. Haha. Damn lame couple. I love em (apart frm those weird terms Lennie taught Nish). I can't help but smile whenever I think of them. Haha. Lame couple... All da best for you yea :D

Not to be forgotten, Yola, who I love so much, and my bro, Muita. These two... Haha. I'm out of words but I love them too. I enjoy evry moment with them (even when they are lame-ing). Haha. Owh yea, of course they are lame because this couple n da lame couple above is da same. Duurrhh. I miss having dinner at Rasa-Rasa :)

As for someone... Miss B (from my previous posts). I've been trying to say this to her but I just couldn't get it out frm my mouth... You're still my friend. You've been through bad times. You screwed up almost everything. And now you have someone who loves you. Mayb now you could appreciate love more... I think this is a reward for you after what you've been through. Try not to ruin stuff. K? Appreciate what you have. Try to be real. The next thing I'm gonna say is gonna hurts.. Be prepared or just skip it if you don't. You know you have loads of guys queuing to be with you. PLEASE. This time around, be real. Be with them only if you really feel the same. Remember, there might be someone out there who love dat guy so much. Like what I've told you. For you Ian might be nobody but for ME, IAN means EVERYTHING. Got it? Good luck Miss B. If you happen to read ths, feel free to tell me what you think.

As for myself, I'm taking baby steps. Slow, but sure. I hope I can get back to my old self.

With Love - Har
(since it's my 'love is in the air' post *wink*)
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Ouuuggghh!!

I don't know what to call this feeling anymore. Mayb I am a bitch after all because all that I've ever wanted is you, with me, be mine, or whatsoever terms people want to use. I just want you and you only.

My friend told me few days ago that girls tend to think with their heart. It's ok for them to live with love and suffer. They don't mind suffering. But men... They need money. They want to show how powerful they are and how worthy they are.

It's true. I thought I could live with Ian while working together. Organizing parties, having fun n all that. Maybe he thought differently. Maybe a much more settled girl is more worth it compare to me. Whatever it is, he's not here with me.

I'm still gonna think of you for sometime. Bear with it. I'm not disturbing you anyway.
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December 6th

6 months has passed frm June 6th.
December, da 12th (6x2) month.
Today in SUNDAY.

Haha. What a coincidence... I'm sure you're having your own magical number now but this 6 stick on me. I think 6 doesn't like you anymore. It loves me now. Sorry Ian.
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December

It's December now. Months passed by but I still feel so deeply in... Misery. Shit.
Been trying to post this since yesterday n I just realized dat I got the email wrong. Durrhh.
Loads of new movie in the theatre, I always love to watch movie in the theatre because I like the big screen. You will feel the thrill of the movie when you have fuckin big screen. I won't need to go to the cinema if I have home theatre (which I promise myself I'm gonna have one, one day).

This movie topic bring back memory bout Ian again. He loves to watch movie. Not in the theater, but at home with the dvd player, along with the person he love beside him. He will only go to the theatre with certain people. Not much. One of those rare people is me. He asked me to a movie. Like... A date kinda thing. He dressed up. With his black shirt (which is in my closet rite now).

And I remember he told me he would not watch Transformers 2 if he doesn't watch it with me. Hmmm, I don't think he has any problem with that now since I'm sure he can just watch it because he will never ever gonna be able to watch it with me. He has forgotten all about me. Ouch...

I'm going to watch Twilight New Moon this Sunday. I remember when I watch Transformers 2 by myself. Ian was kinda having bad time and I'm sad because I couldn't be there for him. That added up my sadness because I just left Kuching n I really, really, REALLY miss Ian. So I went to watch movie by myself...

And I'm gonna watch movie by myself again this Sunday... Sundae... His day.
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It's like...

This shit thought came to me again. I have the urge to know the answer from you. I read "eat, pray, love" and the main character of the book decided to stop crying and just keep going because no matter what, the answer will not come faster from when it's supposed to be, so just live your life and without you know it, the answer is there...

Well, personally, I thought I had found Mr. Right who appeared to be Mr. Wrong but somehow I still think that he's Mr. Right. Geeezzz. I'm so pathetic.

I should get some sleep
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I miss the old me

I remember I used to be so crazy n fun. I don't think I can be like that anymore. I tried but I just feel kinda lazy to talk.

I remember I used to be sooo talkative. I really can't be the old me anymore. I don't know how to be talkative. I can't think of a topic. When I start talking I will talk bout sad story or serious stuff dat bore people. I'm gonna lose friends if I keep going like ths.

I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even want to dance. I just want to be by his side. How long is this gonna last?

I can't believe I'm missing somebody who has died. He died. He died. He died. Hmmm... Yea, he died...
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I miss you

I miss you, Ian Nashville...
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Heartless?

I found myself kinda cold lately. I don't feel. I used to b da emo kinda girl who will cry when I have to leave a place... A girl who will cry when she sees sumthing sweet. Or da girl who talks a lot.

I'm not that girl anymore. When my high school friends were so excited during the re-union lunch, I was just "ok... So we haven't met each other for 4 years". I mean, I should feel excited, shouldn't I? I seriously didn't feel a thing. It was just a normal lunch with some people I know.

I was at the office this afternoon. I was about to go home when I saw my work partner. I'm not gonna b around for 2 weeks n I didn't even give her a hug or sumthing. It was so not me. Another example bout it... I knew she hasn't reached home yet because her house is kinda far frm da office. I didn't even ring her just to ask if she got home safely. It's not me... I'm not that girl.

Although I remember bout anything, like texting my fren jus to ask how they are, I barely can pick up the phone n start to type. What the hell is so hard about texting? I love texting... At least I used to love it. What happened to me?

Have I become heartless?
How come I don't give a fuck bout anything anymore?
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issues

There is this song from The Saturdays and I think the chorus just expalins how I feel.

"Me and my heart we got issues
Don't know if i should hate you or miss you
Damn i wish that i could resist you
Can't decide if i should slap you or kiss you,
Me and my heart we got issues,issues,issues
We got issues issues issues."

Day 7 - Four Months

Dear Sir,

Four months has passed ever since we met. I cannot even believe that loads of things can happened in such a short period. I never underestimate time but seriously... in just 4 months... you have sucessfully changed me, set a trap where I fell into and couldnt get myself up until today. Guess what, today is Sunday.

If all those things didnt happen, I think I would be texting you whole day because today is just your day and also the 4 months since our meeting. I know guys dont remember this kind of things. But I am a keeper. I remember that kind of day. I am such a keeper. I guess you know one of the crazy stuff that I keep... the one I used to write every single day. Of course I dont do that anymore now... since there is nothing to write anymore. I used to be so scared that I would ran out of things to write. It came true. Anyway, there are 1170 in total. Let me know when you wanna read it.

I am still eating loads of ice cream until today. I have no idea why I can't stop. Maybe because I just miss you too much. I admit that. I still miss you every single day. I saw your picture today. You seemed alright. Good for you then.

I was thinking last night. I couldnt sleep so my mind wondered around and of course... what else could I possibly think of lately if it's not YOU? I realized that... Erm... I dont know how to explain it but I believe that you truly love her (Tia...I think I will just mention her name). And I do believe that you liked me for a while, because you were sad and apparently I was there for you. That was not really love Ian... That was just 'comfort'. You were mistaken. AND the problem now is ME. I just cannot seem to accept that fact. I am lost in my own dream of being with you for the rest of my life. It's me. I cannot accept the fact that my dream wont come true. It's all me.

I had this "Ian-is-the-one" in my mind already. I just want you. All I ever wanted is be with you and be there for you. Now that you have her... What I need to do now is wake up and stop dreaming.

Happy Sundae, Ian. (this will be my last Sundae greeting for you)

See you,
Girl-who-just-get-the-meaning-of-SOUL-FLY

Day 6 - You

Dear Sir,

I was cleaning up my closet since my sister, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my sis-in-law's mom are coming next week. They gonna take loads of space so I really need to clean the room for them. We're going to Kuching on the 23rd. I heard you are going to Kuching on the 15th to settle your visa?

So, I was cleaning my closet then I saw a very familiar thing. Your perfume. I have not touch it for a long time. Ever since our last chat on FB, I have not really touch it until today.

I always like this perfume of yours because it linger on you for a long time and seriously, I really really like the smell. Everytime I smell it, it will reminds me of you and 6 June. The smell is SO you! That is why I suggested the perfume exchang because I just want to have "you" with me. You told me that you always bring my Eiffel, use my perfume, and wear the Nashville t-shirt I gave you, because you want to have "me" with you. Guess we're the same after all, huh?

After our last conversation on FB last time, I still smell you everywhere and it made me frustrated. Everything smell like you. My pillow. My blanket. My bag. My headphone. My clothes. EVERYTHING!!! I almost thought that I was crazy because I smell you everywhere. I was not even sure if the smell was real.

So, I found your perfume and I opened it. I am starting to forget how you smell, Sir... So I opened it...and all the memories back. It is like all those just happened yesterday. So fresh in my mind...The smell is everywhere now.

Sir, what do you want me to do? This is killing me. I love you more than I thought. More than you thought. More than anyone thought!

This is a bad idea...

See you,
Girl-with-Light-Blue

Day 5 - Lame Talk

Dear Sir,

I dont like rains although I know most people do including you. This reminds me of our lame talks. We never sleep early and we always have this lame talk. But there is one special lame talk and you started it. Do you remember? I dont remember the flow of the conversation, But I do remember some of them, so Im gonna write a lil bit of this and that. Basically it was about "** ** **** ** *** *******"

-----------------------------------------------------------
Ian: It's raining...
Me : Yea. I dont like rains.
Ian: Why? I like rains. It's nice to sleep when it rains.
Me : I know. I dont like rains when Im alone cos it makes me emo. But now Im with you so Im ok =)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ian: You should name your son Ian Nashville Jr.
Me : Oh my god..That is so lame. Why would I name my son Ian Nashville Jr. That is a lame name. Boooooo......
Ian: Because his father's name is Ian Nashville.


-----------------------------------------------------------

Me : What kind of house do you like?
Ian: Simple. Minimalist kind of house. I just dont like to see the house that is too packed with stuff and fancy lights and furnitures.
Me : Hm... Me too. Single storey or double stories?
Ian: Single storey.
Me : Really? I prefer single storey too.
Ian: Why? Because you are afraid of double stories house?
Me : How do you know? Yea...that's true.
Ian: Booo. Why are you so afraid of ghost?
Me : Dont start about this topic...
Ian: Ok Ok..
Me : Back to the house. So... What color is the house gonna be?
Ian: Blue.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I remember you said something about the bed but I dont remember what was it exactly...You were explaining about the kind of bedroom and bed that you like and then I said something like this...
Me : Like Sheila's bed?
Ian: YEA! Yea yea...something like Sheila's bed.
Me : Me too. I like Sheila's bed. (then I told you bout my idea)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Me : Huh? I cannot cook. Remember?
Ian: Yea. That's why you need me.
Me : *couldnt help but smile* OK... Then I'll wash the dishes since you already cook. I can do other houseworks. I can sweep the floor and mop it. I can wash clothes too. But... I cannot iron...
Ian: Haha. I know. I told you already. That is why you need me.
Thank you for saying that Sir. I was really happy =)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Me : We have to exercise too... We can go jogging every morning.
Ian: No..You wont be able to wake up that early.
Me : Hei!! Why not? I can wake up early if I want to. Im gonna wake you up as well.
Ian: Because you will be tired ******* ** ***** **** **** ***** *****
Me : What the fuck?!?!

The conversation below is not the same as the topic above...

Ian: Go to sleep.
Me : I dont wanna sleep!
Ian: why? You havent been sleeping properly lately.
Me : Because!!!... Im going home soon...

at the bus station...
Ian: See you soon. Dont think about going back but think about coming here again. Ok?

Ok. See you,
Girl-who-has-two-kids

PS: I only got the chance to post this today since I couldnt connect to the Internet yesterday...sigh

Day 4 - Feeling

Dear Sir,

It's Monday. Every Monday, I will feel sad because Sundae just left and I got to wait 6 days to Sundae (you know what? SIX days? SIX? Haha).

I was watching America psychic challenge and that reminds me of Jakarta-Lady. She has strong feeling right? I have loads of friends with strong feeling, and let me tell you, they are really good. Sometimes they scares me. Yola and Vera have strong feeling too.



As for me, seriously, I am NOT sensitive at all. My feeling is not strong. I wont sense anything bad until it occurs. I wont know if you are sad if you dont tell me... Things like that just not my area of expertise. I am glad that you tell me how you feel most of the time. When you are mad, you would show it and let me know what happened. When you are emo, you will tell me the story behind it. I just can't be sure if they are real anymore...



Sometimes when I get that "Hm..." kind of feeling, I would ended up forgetting it or just shake the feeling off. When exactly did I get the feeling? Let me tell you, although you didnt ask for it.

First...
It was 4 July 2009. Around 2AM in the morning, when I was texting you. Here are your messages that morning:
*Baby, r u sleeping? I met L, N juz now, Miss B (remember I dont feel like mentioning her name?) is here at links, looks like I need to send her home after this, luckily I hav tracy n leo ard, I miss u baby [02:16AM Kuching time]
*U go ahead continue wif ur sleep, I've been waiting for you to reply me, hehe... I miss u, I feel like wanna kiss u now [03:18AM Kuching time]
*Yes I wanna kiss u thru the phone!hehe, miss u! So much! [03:30AM Kuching time]

and you didnt reply me anymore...I was wondering why you didnt reply me. You made a promise to me that you would not go to sleep before I do. I didnt take it seriously at first, but then you kept on reminding me about it, so at the end I would tell you if Im about to sleep so you can go to sleep too. So I was wondering how come you didnt reply me that morning. It is impossible to get you really drunk to fell asleep like that. And you NEVER sleep before I do. What would make you fall asleep like that? I kept thinking that morning and before I got suspicious, I told myself that you ran out of credit...

You know what happened that morning, dont you? You always say that you have terrabyte(s) memory so Im pretty sure you remember... You can always ask me / Miss B if you forgot =)

The next morning you texted me: "Baby, wht r u doing thr? I wanna tell u sumthing..."
and it was like somebody squeeze my heart when I read that... You didnt tell me the full story by skipping "that" part and covered with some lies...I can show you what you told me..In case you forgot =)


Second...
When Miss B told me that you texted her... I got the feeling that it was kinda too much if you texted her just to keep in touch. Again and again, I tried to think differently. So I told myself "WTF Har? Why can't he text her? Why can't friend text other friend?"... You obviously know more than I do about what you said to her. OF COURSE you also know more than I do about the intention behind the message. Well done.

I did not feel anything when the first "that" happened on Sundae, 28 June 2009. I went back on 25th... 3 days... Really? Is that how long you need to do that to me?

See you,
Girl-you-saw-thru-webcam

Day 3 - Sundae, Sunday and Six

Dear Sir,

Today is Sunday, 06-09-09... This combination reminds me of loads of things. I dont know where to start now. Lets start with 6 June 2009...



I remember my favorite quote of all time.
"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with somene you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. When you find the right person for a kiss, it means everything." -Alex Karev, Grey's Anatomy-

I think that is one of the reason why I kept my first kiss for so long. 20 years. The other reason would be because I thought it was kinda disgusting to kiss people other than Daniel Bongso. 6 June, early morning at 6...we kissed. My first kiss... Your god-knows-how-many kiss. I do remember every details, in case you wondering. I remember the things that we said as well.

I didnt regret it, I dont and I never will. After the facts that I heard, I still wont regret it. You may wonder why. I was so much in love with you. The kiss, was more than I expected. The moment when we were kissing, I was hoping that I could be with you always.


Truly speaking, when you were so close to kiss me the day before, I was still not sure about my feeling to you and I still doubted you. When I hear the lyric of My Dream song that you remixed, I couldnt help it anymore. I cannot hold on much longer but to let myself love you.



Ow yea, after the kiss I couldnt see your face. Seriously. You know what a shy person I am, right? I thought I would be sitting at the back seat so I wouldnt have to look at you. But then Evon was sleeping at the back so I had to sit in front, with you. Did you know that I was so so so nervous that morning? Haha.

I dont wanna remind you much about the kiss or you'll get bored. Lets talk about the magical number 6. Seriously, this number keep appear in my life now, or maybe Im just too sensitive when I see number 6.
*The kiss was on 06-06-09 at 6AM. Saturday. Day 6.
*Your visa to Indonesia expired on 06-06-09 (the exact same date).
*Your Adawijah Smoke song got number 6 position in Choons Award.
*The age difference between you and me is 6.
*My parents age difference is 6 as well.
*When we chat, I showed you what I wrote and I told you I havent finish writing...And I was at 6 June.
*Your Adidas t-shirt with the number 24. Not a common number on a t-shirt. 2+4=6.
*24 June is the date before I went back to Indonesia. I know you wont remember what happened on that day, just ask me if you want to know.
*When you asked me when do I plan to get married, I said 27. It's 6 years from now.

Coincidence, huh? There are more number 6 that came up in my life after that. You know most of them, because you were either there or I told you through sms or phone calls.

I always write Sundae instead of Sunday looong before I knew you. Sundae... I guess you know more than I do. Your DJ name, Sir. DJ Sundae. Of course I know the story behind the name. And now every Sundae, I will remember you. I had so much Sundae ice cream on Sunday when I wasnt with you. We always greet each other "Happy Sundae" every Sundae. Haha. And we had Cone Sundae on Sunday. Remember? =) ......You know what? I just realized that both of us always wake up early on Sundae. You would go to church and I would go for dim sum.



Lately...Everytime I am about to stand on my own feet, I hear something or find something that made me fall on my knee again. I love you so much that I let you go and not doing evil stuff. Believe me Sir, Im not as good as you think I am. I changed alot since I met you, I am more patient, I dont get angry as easy as I used to, and so much more. The old me would have no doubt in making people's life miserable. Im not joking. I never lie to you. Do you remember I told you that? I never lie to you and there is no point for me to lie to you now.

You always play the song Sunday by Jazzamor. I still like the song. I wont boycote the band just because they have a song called "Sunday". I just love you too much.


See you,
Girl-who-always-has-Fisherman-Friends-mint-with-her

Day 2 - Morning Talk, the Root of the Problem

Dear Sir,

Remember the day when you replaced Andre at Absolute? I was renting a car that day. I forgot why but I rented a car. That car was a nightmare. Anyway, 15 May was the first time I sent a message to you since I need to ask for your permission to be around when you spin.


I like the time I spent with you at Absolute. I thought you make a great friend. I was with Titin and Yola that night. We went to Links after you've done with Absolute. The first thing I remember is the Taiwanese girl who like you so much. Haha.


Erm... Actually, ever since this night, I got the feeling that you will be interested in one of the girls. I already prepared myself to answer your questions. I forgot... did you ask me or didnt you? I still remember that Titin asked for your phone number when she was drunk. You sent us gud night messages as well (but I had an accident so I didnt reply you).



I should have known that you would fall for one of the girls... Rite? What a complete moron.


We met again the next day. Now you met all of us. 4 of us (Lennie's bdae). I still think that you would interested in one of the girls, so I was just concentrating on partying and look at how you spin sometime.


Our next meeting after that night was the night when I met you at the AIA. You picked me up.. I was with Titin that night. Most of the time Titin was with Osama... So you sent me home because Titin was with Osama... and he would send her home.

Haha... Remember what happened next? We were in front of Floridale. You told me that I remind you of someone. The next thing you told me? You like me. You also told me about the Jakarta-Lady. You told me how angry you were and how disappointed you were.

I was thinking "Hm... He's high... Of course he's not serious about what he said. Sigh.. Well, I hope they find a way to talk about it." and of course I didnt believe that you like me... We talked until sunrise!!! and I didnt believe you. Haha. But I did believe you about the Jakarta-Lady story. I just didnt believe that you like me. OBVIOUSLY!! You were high for god's sake...

I remember what you said that made me think of something good bout myself. You told me bout you friends who kept saying the girls (not me) are hot. Remember what you told them (if you didnt lie to me)? You said "hm..I think Har is hot" and your friends said that you had a lame taste for saying that.

But now I know that you were actually fall for "her" and not me, right? Again... what a moron. From now on...lets call this girl Miss B. I just dont wanna mention her name.

Everything started from what you told me that morning... Do you regret it now? Remember about your wish? The one you dont wanna tell me (until now)? Can I guess again? You wish you didnt say anything to me that morning... Am I right? Im gonna keep guessing until you tell me.

See you,
Lame-taste-type-of-girl

Day 1 - The First Meeting

Dear Sir,

How are you doing? Honestly, not so good with me here. I was about to sleep last night when again and again you came into my mind. "Get a life!!" right? I dont know if it can be that easy. I decided to write you one letter each day. I hope you dont mind reading them all. Ow yea, btw, Im wearing your shirt. I hope you dont mind. You left this shirt at my place and I decided to take it since you have mine.

I remember the first time I met you 13 May 2009. I was so serious with my DJ lesson and I totally didn’t care about asking anything to you. I think you did most of the talking. However, when you climb up the stairs to the DJ console… let me tell you this (I know I never told you before), I got the feeling of “Hm…” but I didn’t know what it was and I still don’t know what it was.

When I saw you with that yellow Adidas t-shirt and brown short pants completed with the colorful Adidas shoe, I thought “Oh God, his style is so Jakarta” and I forgot about the Hmm-feeling. I don’t remember what the first thing you said to me, should be “hi” I guess, but I remember our first conversation after Andre left the DJ console. I was busy burning my CDs and you asked “What is your name again?”

I know my name is so hard to remember since it sounds so Indonesian. “Haryati. And you are Ian, right?” I replied.
“Yea, are you local?”
“Nope. Im from Indonesia”
“Really? I stay in Indonesia!”

I swear, you sounded REALLY excited when I said Im from Indonesia. Haha. You were so funny. You said you would help with songs supply or anything and then you asked me to contact you when I go to Indonesia then you asked for my number since you didn’t remember yours back then. You even gave me your Indo number.

Honestly, I didn’t even care about you that night. I was busy with my own thought. I don’t remember what that was about. I didn’t even know that you dyed your hair when I saw you on our second meeting. My bad… I seriously didn’t notice you that much. BUT I remember how shocked I was when I heard that you and DJ Sundae is the same person. I heard your name loooooong before I knew you in person.

There is this ‘coincidence thing’ between you and me. Sometimes I think it’s just too much coincidence. I had so much chance to know you.

*I supposed to see you since March 2008 when you were still working for Sky at Rentap. But when I got there, you went home already and Andre was spinning instead.

*I supposed to attend the Friendster Bling Bling party at Monster Tongue but I did not.

*I supposed to be the judge for the Extravaganza dance competition December 2008 at Crown Square but I had travelling plan with my friends and family so I passed the position to Daniel. So during the final at Crown Square, I was sick so I didn’t go. You were the DJ and MC for the night.

Coincidence…

Since the day I met you, loads of ‘coincidence things’ which keep happening around me… (Let’s get to that some other time… but I think you know which one Im talking about, right?). And of course, I will never ever going to forget you for the rest of my life.

See you,

Girl – in – red – shirt – and – dark – blue – jeans

A Project

I am so sad. Loads of things I couldnt cope with but I can only depend on myself now. So Im gonna write a letter whenever I feel anything. I hope I can be stronger by writing each letter. It's gonna be about him...About Ian...

Finally... An Update

I have not updated my blog for so long. Loads of things had happened. I met someone special. All of my friends know how madly in love I was with Daniel Bongso. Nobody can ever make me forget him. Nobody! However all that has changed because I met Ian.

A kiss, for me, is a sacred thing. I would not do it without reason. I have been keeping my first kiss for so long. I thought I would save it for Daniel because I cannot imagine kissing someone else. Many times, when someone was about to kiss me, I would feel disgusted. Yea, that was exactly how I felt when I had to kiss someone other than Daniel; I used to think it was disgusting. Little did I know that I would meet Ian. His name is Ian Nashville.
Instead of Daniel, I gave my first kiss to Ian.

After I met Ian, I finally stop thinking of Daniel. That is amazing. You can ask all of my close friends. I might have loads of crushes but none of them could make me forget Daniel Bongso. Ian could have deleted all the other crushes, but Daniel? He removed Daniel from my mind. I thought nobody could ever do that.

I am 20 years old by the time I’m writing this. And I was never been kissed. Now you know how much effort had I put on keeping it for someone I really love (whom I thought was Daniel). I never regret the fact that my first kiss went to Ian. Never was and never will. Nobody has ever loved me the way Ian does.

Now the situation between me and Ian has gone far more complicated. All I can say for now is that I love Ian Nashville. I can go all lame and cheesy by saying that I will always love him but I am not God, meaning I do not know what’s going to happen next. However, now, this moment, I DARE to say I LOVE IAN NASHVILLE. I really do. The selfish part of me hopes he will be my first and my last.

Like what Charlie Chaplin said: “there is nothing permanent in this wicked world – not even our problem”. So, although there are loads of problem around us now, I just hope and try to settle it one by one. I am going 21 in 2 weeks. 21 is a mature age, so I have to start to act like one. I hope we can be together in the future. I am making my way there. I hope he will do the same. Again, I love him, I really do.
Alright, it’s time to put my war jacket on. Pray for us yea people =)

He is right...

Me : guys are so weird
He : yep. aha. so are girls :P they try so hard to find their prince charming they dont see the one in front of them .. or those plain jane
Me : plain jane?
He : nevermind forget it
Me : if da one in frnt of them never tell... it's hard to figure.
He : its easy to know ..even if they dont tell you know from the way they threat you and how they pay soooooo much attention to you
Me : erm... some pervert do dat too.. hahaha....sori. but really... especially those who want to get to girl's pants...
He : lol. well the one that want to get into the girls pants are the one who easily use the phrase i love you and the one who always abuse the word sayang
:)

A Message From My Bro

"Sis, when the world goes dark, stars are there. When the world is vanished and you feel alone, tilt your head beside you... I will bring a comforting feeling of care and affection.. as your brother I pour special affection and love forever. Dear sis, I hope our bond grows stronger everyday... Lurve you.. Mwaaxx!"

=)
Wonder who my bro is? I will update soon =)

It's not FUN

It's not fun when people trying to hide something and yet, it's obvious. It's not fun at all. Why don't you just speak your mind? It's wasting my time and effort and everything that you can think of. I'm bored. Really bored with all these hiding games and big beautiful smiley faces.

Pictures (again)

I have been wanting to buy this headband. Now that I have 3 of them, I wear it (almost) everytime. LoL.


My parents. Who was really exhausted during the first day of the chinese new year. When it rained, they decided to take a nap because this is the only time they can rest (guests wont come in the middle of the rain, will they?). There is something that I like from this picture...

They are sharing the same pillow... How sweet... =)


Some company (which name I had forgotten) sent us this basket full of mini oranges. I love love orange. I took some oranges when I realized that I should have taken some pictures first... Well, just mind the hole that I dug.


I have a new hangout spot. Atmosfera... And I love love love this Oreo Cheesecake... Im sorry if the picture doesnt look appealing. I dont have a camera ok... So I was using my phone camera.


This is Marsbar... I heart it too. =)

-----------------------------------------
I wanted to post another picture... I think I should just upload it some other time...

Just Be

I was lost and I'm still lost but I feel so much better...

You can travel the world, but you can't run away
from the person you are in your heart.
You can be who you want to be, make us believe in you,
keep all your light in the dark.
If you're searching for the truth, you must look in the mirror
and make sense of what you can see.
Just be... Just be...

They say learning to love yourself is the first step
that you take when you want to be real.
Flying on planes to exotic locations won't teach you how you really feel.
Face up to the fact that you are who you are.
Nothing can change that belief.
Just be... Just be...

'Cause now I know it's not so far to where I go.
The hardest part is inside me...
I need to just be.
Just be...

---------------------------------------------------
That was song from DJ Tiesto feat. Kristy Hawkshaw. I love love love this song. For techno lovers (Iola...), Im sure you will like this song. And I just found out that it has a great meaning too. Oh my god... I just wanna thank Iola for her information about techno (you have no idea.. she's like the techno queen).

And this song... this particular song. It feels right...

Narcissism

Since my blog lack of pictures... I think I should upload some. I have been taking pictures with my lovely Mac and out of expectation, the pictures are great. Maybe because my face is hardly seen. Haha. Anyway, here are some pictures and random updates.


I went to this party at Barz!ng on Saturday 28 March 2009. There was 2 international female DJs. And both of them are from Indonesia. Can you actually believe that? They were awsome. I truly enjoyed the night. Got to know the organizer of the party from Hudson too. His name is Amin Jay. He was fun too. I like him because I think he know how to have fun.


I met some of the Swinburners too. They were not friendly at all. Well, I was trying to be friendly but when it comes to the situation where I looked stupid... I think I'll pass. Let them be. It's their loss anyway. Me and the girls are the most happening group.


After the party that night, suddenly I realize that the guy that I have been thinking about doesnt worth anything. He called me the day after and gave me invitations to his party. If he gave me that last week, I would have smile all day long (I think). But now... I have already think it through. He is just... another... I dont know how to put it in words but I think I got over him. Im still going to the party because I wanna have fun. And dats it. I will still be friends with him. Just to keep him as one of my network.


I used to think that I would never fit in to the night life. Somehow I think night life is not as bad as people think. People who is living the night life are just people who wanna have fun and shake their stress away. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the idea. Some people might get the idea differently, but it's them and not me. As for me, I love to dance and club is the best place for it with the DJs, sound system, lighting, poll podium and friends by my side.


I really appreciate people who appreciate my dance. Iola, Lennie and Titin. I thank them like hell because they are the one who never miss any of my performances. They are not ashamed of me dancing on the table and the most important thing is that they are my friends.

Also people like this guy at Barz!ng last week who gave me a drink after I danced. Although I dont know him but I thank him for the drink. Maybe it's his form of appreciation towards my dance. He gave me a drink and that's it. And that's why I thank him.

Anyway... I think dats all for now. Will update more next time =p

Freakin Stuck

I supposed to mention this particular person in part of my "Looking at the past" series. But since he exist in my life lately... I need to talk about him now.

Never occur to me that I have already known him for quite a long time now. I met him last year because I was in the hunt for DJ (for my dance party, not for a date). In fact, I was quite impressed by him. He was a dancer too. He doesnt dance now. At least, I dont think he is.

When I was talking to him last year, he said something like this:
Him : 019&%$@!~)*%$
Me : what?
Him : 01&^%$#@(*&%
Me : huh?
Him : my number!
Me : (wat the fuck?) ow... I dont have my phone with me
Him : Ok. Wat's ur number? (*take his phone out*)
Me : um...

Then someone asked him for a picture...

Him : Ok. Come, let's take a picture (*took my hand then put his hand on my hip*)

one..two..three.. *Picture taken*
Guess what happened afterwards? He forgot that he was asking my number... Ok... Nevermind. I wasnt sure about giving him mine anyway...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God knows what happened next. I met him again... 1 month after the first meeting. I was with my friends. He was wearing a blue polo shirt. I knew it was him... So I greeted him.

Me : Hei... Remember me? I was with my dance crew in the club. You were dancing too.
Him : HEI! Of course I remember you. (*hug*) But I can't recall ur name. (*he didnt take his hand off me tho*)
Me : Ow, yea of course. You were drunk, I think. It's Haryati.
Him : Ok. I will remember that. Are you alone?
Me : Um... No. Im here because Andre asked me to come. Im with my friends. (*introduce my friends to him*)
Him : Ic. Can you come with me for a while (*took my hand*)
Me : Yea... sure. (*giving signal to my friend*)

So he took me outside the club where it was more quiet so we can talk.
Him : I didnt get ur number that night. So, can I have your number now?
Me : Um... Yea. It's 016*******
Him : Ok. Thank you (*kiss on the cheeks*). So, enjoy and we can dance again later. Ok?
Me : Ok. (*smile*)
Him : Alright. Let's go inside. Let me help you to order (*drag me in*)

He sent me a message on Saturday asking me to go to the club. He also added : "wish to c.u to9 darlin"... and no I didnt go because I had my own clubbing night with the girls at my lovely little apartment (which was a total mess because my neighbor kept on knocking our wall from the other side -- I hate him to the max).

I didnt expect he would remember. He sent me a message around 11 pm : "wru?" (where r u). Ow... That was something. Did not expect that coming from him.

So he has been asking me out ever since. Mostly to visit his club. He is the share holder of most of the clubs in Kuching. The point is that... his job is clubbing. How fun is that? Not fun. Since you will fell hung over every morning.

He used to be a work-less-have-more-fun type of guy. But he changed alot. He works now. Finally. I have never seen him like that. There was this one time where he cleared the table for the customer (note: he never did that before).

I was pretty sure that he liked me because I can dance and I have big boobs. What does it has to do with him liking me? Well, he need a dancer who can dance so he can attract more customer to the club. And since I like to dance... Well. Everyone can conclude that (more story about the dancing later). Now, about big boobs... He only call me when he's horny. I can double checked that.

Apart of all his bad sides... I cannot NOT to think about him. Just when Im about to forget him, he call me or send me a sweet message. What the Fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?!!

Why do I always trapped in a stupid love situation like this? Because Im stupid and I didnt try hard enough... Fine. It's my mistake.

At least, let me be honest. For the moment... I only want to hug him and linger for a lil' longer...

The message says...

Morning my loved.

What A Small World

I cannot believe how small this world is. I have been friends with Iola for 3 years. And suddenly I got to know that Iola and Wendo are friends. They went to the same high school. Who this Wendo is? He used to me my neighbour. We were staying at the same housing area. And he used to be my... erm... my... Argh.... I hope I can just forget about it. Nevermind about that now, shall we?

So, Iola was talking about Wendo when my mind was finally working and digest the name... Took time for me to load his name since I havent heard it for ages. Wendo? Wendo? Wen...do? W e n d o? OMGGGGG! NOT HIM!

Iola told me how she got to know him. Iola also has his Facebook account. So... he was online. Iola asked him if he still remember me. He said he does remember me. But then... he also said : "of course, the one who sent me a love letter"

WHAT?!!!
DID HE JUST....?!!?!!
HUH??!!!!!

LET ME SUICIDE!!!

OH NO!!!!

I WAS... I AM NOT... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

excuse me for a moment...

I need to breath...

...

...

...

...

...

...

NO, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO HIDE MY FACE!

well...

I need another moment...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Look... I was like, what, freakin 8 years old kid who watched too much movies. So when I "knew" what love is, he was the one who, sort-of, the coolest guy around. So I sent him a Christmas card... along with... with... the love statement inside.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

I need another moment again...

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

Can I just disappear? T.T

Ok... I can't.... When he got that card, he told the entire housing area about my letter. And he threw it away (if Im not mistaken). Well, I couldnt blame him, could I? (Yes I can, now). Anyway, everybody knew about it (his mom included). Wonderful. So I never spoke to him ever since. But his mom was really friendly (I havent see her for quite a long time). I like her alot. I like his sister too. Her name is Dona.

Erm... back to present. I cannot believe that he still remember about the letter. And although he does remember, did he really need to tell that to everyone? Was it not enough that everyone in the housing area know, so that he told Iola as well? Why dont he just put it up in the newspaper or Yahoo news or Google.

...
...
...

I am not angry... I just couldnt believe that... Erm.. It's not that I dont...

...
...
...

I need some sleep.

Looking at the past -- Elementary School 1999

Inspired by Kenny Sia who wrote his life story in his blog. I think, why not... It's a good idea. So I could look back and cherish the bad and the good. And I think, since I will talk a lot about one specific guy, I should start from elementary school. When I met him.

It was around May 1999. I was preparing for the final exam to pass elementary school. I joined this course which designed specially to prepare the students for the exam.

Since my Dad is a very discipline person. He is always on time. And, he was on time with my schedule as well. I was the first to arrive... always the first. Maybe he did not want me to miss anything. When the teacher came into the class, he would give us one set of question each. He gave us time to do it and then he would discuss it later. There was this boy... he was late... in fact, he was never on time. He only showed up when the teacher started the discussion session. I cannot help not to notice him.

He was a standard boy. Nothing was really special about him. He was not that tall, his skin was kinda pale, eyeglasses... And always late. Ok...

And then when I was done with the course... he was forgotten. Little that I know, that boy right there... would be someone that I could never forget.

The Clock is TICKING

I am at my low point of life.
I am not able to find a job. The problem is not in the company. The problem is me. I do not think I am capable of doing anything. I must try, I know. I just cannot find the guts to do so. Sometimes, I really wish that I could go abroad and earn big bucks. I am just jealous with the life of the sex and the city girls. Aren't that great? Single, Success and Sexy. 3S. I think Im aiming for 3S now.

I just can't help myself to think about that kind of life. They love what they do. And I don't like what I am doing. I don't see myself as a known programmer. I just don't see that... Should I be doing something else?

Why am I posting this things here? I have no idea either. I just need to pour it out I think.
Anyway, how was your Valentine? Hope that was great.

The Most Terrible Blogger Ever

And that person is me. How can I abandoned my blog for so long?
Loads of things had happened around me. And Im dying to put it here. I think it will be very reasonable for me to begin with December 2008...

December 2008
doesnt the name just screams "holiday" all over it? I mean, Christmas falls on it. New Years Eve falls on this month too. School holiday (it's obvious), and my friends birthday falls on this month too. Last but not least, December also the time for everyone to loosen the tension that has wrapping their mind and spend some time with their family... and that's exactly what I did.

I went travelling with Egie and Titin. I never thought that we would really have done it. Mostly, people ended up with plans and never get the chance to make it happen. But we did. We went to Singapore, Thailand and KL. How's dat? Pretty impresive I must say.

Once I got back from the trip, I went to HongKong with my family. All of them. My dad, my mom, my sis, my bro, my sis-in-law, my grandma. That was really fun.

*I promise I will upload pictures once I got them.

January 2009
Right. January. It's 2009 now. It's the perfect time to start whatever your goal is. Just like me. I had been upside down dealt with my brother's website. I wanted it, so bad, to be perfect. Yet I just couldnt. I was so depressed.

Despite of all the bad news... I got my result in middle of the month. Guess what? I had my name extended. It's Haryati Sugianto BSc. now. Oh dear... HAHAHAHAHA... Im sorry. Im still excited about it. Not just that... It was my dad's happiest moment (that was what he told me). I make my parents proud. That's all I need.

Now that I have to find JOB... Im not that confident with what I am.

February 2009
No doubt. Chinese New Year was around the corner. I was busy with the cleaning and helped my mom with the decoration and all. My dad was busy working so he couldnt help us. I turned out very nice. We were very busy druing the first two days. My mom was exhausted. So was my dad.

My sister came back for research. We went to Singkawang. I helped her to handed out the papers and answered few questions. There were so innocent looking. And they WERE innocent. That was funny. I will get back to this when I remember.

What has been bugging my mind lately is that... My sister's behaviour is getting on my nerves. She has been acting childish. I have been wondering if she loves my dad more. Or maybe she only loves herself. Whenever my mom say something, she would just react as necessary. And she always talk back as if my mom has done the biggest mistake ever! That is just so disrespectful!

Somehow I just keep quite... No.. I had been quite. But not today. My mom wanted to buy us something for lunch. We asked for Pecel (well, if you wanna know what that is, just google it. K?). She wanted it to be with noodle and NOT glass noodle. So, they ran out of noodle hence they mixed it with some glass noodle. Nothing's wrong with it, does it? but NOT for HER! She said "what was he thinking? It's like what? A pig who eats mixed food?" WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with her? Did she really need to say that? Was that necessary? If you dont want it, well, JUST SAID SO. There is no need to say pig or whatsoever. HEI! I EAT THAT... I EAT THE FUCKIN MIXED FOOD!!!! SO what does it make me? A PIG???!!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!!

I was so jealous because she succeed in her work. She is a straight A student. However, if she acts like that? There is exactly no point for me to be jealous.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.