What If

It is undeniable that changes happen everyday in our life for as long as we're still breathing.

The most significant thing which, I think, affects me the most is the love department. Ian was something. Something I can't seem to get over with, something I can't seem to forget, something that change me to who I am today.

Life after Ian was... rebellious, if I can put it that way. Love was not real anymore. Personally, I just want to have fun with whoever I feel like and feel totally nothing. I thought I lost my feeling. And maybe I still am.

BUT... Look at me now. I am seeing someone... Correction. I belong to someone. He own me. I gave him the ownership. Honestly I am  scared. I have loads of what ifs in my head.
- What if he's not real?
- What if he cheated?
- What if he lie?
- What if he get bored with me one day and just leave?
- What if we quarrel like no tomorrow?
- What if we never proceed anywhere and just be two singles living together?
- What if this is all just a fun game?
- What if this is just another failure?
- What if I am just... this?

.........

But I'm happy. I don't know if this is serious. I don't know if this is gonna last or not. I don't know if he's for real or not. But I know I am happy. Maybe. Maybe I am happy.

We'll see...