Exam Again

What lahhhhhh???
Oh no...Another exam is coming. Every semester I will have this moment. Exam syndrome moment. When this syndrome come, I will cry, and then cry and cry and cry and eat. See? This is a very very bad syndrome here....

Sigh...Have nothing to say. Just trying to do something to distract my urge to cry =(

Why Am I So Stupid?

I think it is because I am so lazy. Do you agree?
Think back, my brother and my sister are so smart. They are straight A(s) student type of person. How come I am so different? I think it's because Im lazy.

I should not think like this when exam is coming. But I just can't help it. I keep thinking that I am stupid. I should have study harder. I regret what I have done every semester. Can I turn back time? So I dun need feel like this?

I dun wanna grow up...

I Wanna Stop Thinking

I dun wanna get any letter from admin.
I dun wanna go to the class.
I dun wanna see the lecturer.
I dun wanna see my group assignment member.
I dun wanna see our client.
I dun wanna move from Floridale.
I dun wanna fail any subject.
I dun wanna be hated by my friend.
I dun wanna be fat.
I dun wanna be stupid.
I dun wanna be not able of doing anything I want to do.
I dun wanna drink.
I dun wanna eat tokiwado.
I dun wanna eat chocolate...(but I wan cheese)
I dun wanna talk to anyone.
I dun wanna go to the library.
I dun wanna sleep.
I dun wanna watch movie.
I DUN WANNA BE LIKE THIS!!!

I dun wan...
I dun wan...

Love Letter update

So, about my love letter, I have attend the counselling session with Miss Winnie. So, I did tell her about my reasons. Now, I need to study hard for this subject because I cannot fail this subject. They will kick me out from Swinburne. And that is NOT funny.

I will not fail...
NO WAY

Unsatisfactory Attendance

See? What the hell?
Yea, I got the love letter (unsatisfactory attendance letter) from Swinburne. Anyway, Im quite ok with dat since I know I never showed up in that class. I just hate dat class. I think I've wasted my parents money there... Im sorry Dad, Im sorry Mom....
T.T

Here is what the letter says:

It has come to our attention that your class attendance for this smester is unsatisfactory in the following subject/s:
HIT3002 Introcduction to Artificial Intelligence

You are hereby reminded that it is a condition of the issuance of your Student Pass/Visa by the Immigration authority that you be a 'genuine' student and that you must show that your attendance in class is satisfactory.

Attendance for International students is important because if the attendance is unsatisfacroty for the matter will be reported for non-attendance in accordance with the Malaysian Government/Immigration requirements.

The university will have the right to send the student back to his/her home country and the university will not renew the student's visa should they fail the final examinations.

I am referring you to the Counselo, Mdm Minnie Wong who will arrange with you a suitable time for a counsellings session.

Ok...So now Im in a dangerous mode. They cannot just kick me out from the school. That is insane. Im in my final year and Im doing my final project now. They cannot ask me to get out from here. I hope it will be alright.

My counselling session will be tomorrow 9am with Mdm Winnie Wong. She is a nice woman. I hope she will not make it hard for me. Sigh~~~

What am I going to say? I think I will just tell the truth.
"I am interested in the subject, indeed. However, I am sorry that I have to say this, I do not like it when the lecturer explains about the theory. I found it boring. I do come to the tutorial though; and I do the assignment. You can refer to my group member for this. I admit in the first half of the semester, I did not go. As for the last few weeks, I did not attend the classes because I was injured and was not able to walk properly. I went to Normah hospital which is quite far from school. Sometimes I could not make it to class. I know I should not do this. If I really want to finish my degree, I should obey the rules and also attend the classes. I will not do it again. If I do, you can kick me out."

sweetest comment ever...

Before I continue this post. I wanna say sorry for miss summer...I copied something from ur blog. If u wan me to remove this, just let me know. OK?

I was reading miss summer's blog and were about to gave her comment and then I saw this comment from her best buddy...

"Well as much as i hate it wen u talk abt graduation and departing, i always tell u dat im not sum 1 who forgets friends. Fof god sakes ur ma best friend and if i 4ge u wut kind of friend am i????. So as i tell u ova and ova no matta where im in d world nor how busy im wit ma lif ill neva forget to keep in touch wit u, It goes out to (someone's name here) as well. All d gud times we had, all d ups and downs we been thru will always be in ma mind till i breath ma very last breath.....

We vowed to be best freinds and no matta wut we will be........ Dats a promise dat i will keep for eva.........."

That is soooo sweet... Im really touched.. Why cannot "us" be like that... Why?

I feel so guilty

Why? It was Friday night. We went out for dinner at Jalan Song...And yea, *crush* was there and *crush* fren was there as well. I was ordering something when they came. Soon as *crush* gave me a call, I went to find him (in a crowd...But I dun think it would be hard since he's so tall).

Once I found him, I lead him and fren to our place. Then suddenly after I got my food I ordered before, he's gone. Then because his fren wanna find him, I accompany him since the fren was not familiar with the place. I knew that he was at the shop. He was asking my opinion about the jeans. God, he LOVE shopping. Wats with dat? Anyway, he tried this one jeans and it was great. I think he suit everything since he has a very proportional body.

I was in da shop for quite a long time then I started to feel bad since I supposed to sit with my fren and not there wif him. So I decided to left him and his fren shopping. Soon after we finished da food, the girls went to this cyber which was having a dota competition. For your information, the girls love dota soooo much. Then I was talking wif him then he asked me to accompany him to find some food.

I went to find a place to sit. Yea, which means I left the girls (included miss sach) again. We were talking as usual and then soon as I receive Miss Sach message (saying: "Har, make it faster if you could..k, Im bored"), I asked him and his fren to find the girls...

And there she was, Miss Sach, sitting. I felt so baddd... Left her like that just because I accompanied him to find some food. Why should I left her.
I smiled.
I asked her to walk with me.
Then I told her "Im so sorry I left you... You're bored?"
Then she said "Yea, you left me and then Im so sad, why should I talk with Kelvin" then she cried...

Im so sad... I left her... To accompany HIM? What kind of friend am I?
I apologize to her... and then I told her, I will not leave her ever again... I promise I wont...
T.T

Crush -- Update 31 October 2007

Ok... So, this news will be either good or bad.

First of all, I went to da prom with this *crush*. And yes, I was his date and he is my date. During the party, he has been such a gentlemen by pulling the chair for me and those small stuff like accompanied me wherever I go... U know... We took loads of pictures...Therefore I will not upload all of them.

After the party, we went to MOJO. From there we met another girl (lets call her girlA). Once this girl saw *crush* she hug him straight away =_=|||
We had Chivas... And then we went to SOHO to dance. At first, *crush* was still at MOJO trying to finish his drink before we catch up with us. But when I hit SOHO, I feel very dizzy and then I walked back to MOJO and look for *crush*. He was still there with his other 2 friends. I sat there and then try to balance myself.

Once he finished his drink, we went to SOHO together. And, no question, I danced. Of coz...Cmon. I love to dance. Everyone knew that. Then we went back to MOJO and went to Jianshi for food. I went home around 4 am. (sounds like Gwen Stefani song - 4 in the morning).
The night ended there...

I can hardly sleep. I kept thinking about what I have done... Then I thought, "I dun wanna meet him for another 1 week". Guess what? I met him on Monday. He even went to my house for dinner. After the dinner we talked until 12.30 midnight. Not as what I had planned...
So my new plan was to avoid him for another 1 week.

Yesterday? Same thing. I walked into the cafetaria in the morning and then he greeted me in Indonesian language. And then we had lunch together... Not as what I had planned...

Today? I did not message him... OK? Again... I did not message him. I was sitting doing nothing at Chillipepper. Then he came. =_=||| Not as what I had planned...

Why do I have to avoid him? I dun wanna feel anything for him. I mean, as what I've said above, he is nice to every girl that he knows. So, I think it is better not to have any feeling to him. That is better...No...That is the BEST...

=_=|||
And just now I received the message from *crush* friend... He asked me about da dinner thing. And I told him that I've told *crush* and guess what he said "ohh you told *crush* is it already...I SEE"
What is dat supposed to mean?

My Friend

I just read ishtar (I call her Miss Summer in this blog) blog. And..suddenly I feel so sad. She has a good friend. Miss Sach will always with her. Will my friend stay with me? Wait a second. I dun have one...

Now, I wanna mention all da names... In this post only.
One day, there were only 2 of us at home (Egie and me) and then she told me that she talked to Liea. She told me that she had a chat with Liea to clear everything. Like...what she doesnt like about Liea and Ratna for always going to Jelutong (my friends house) and always come home late. Egie afraid they will left us... Just like my friend Shasha.

Then Egie told me their conversation:
Egie: don't u feel sorry for Har (me)?
Liea: ...
Egie: Ratna and her are no longer close to each other... I tried my best to accompany her. Coz I know she cannot ask u or Ratna to accompany her...
Liea: *cry*

Then reality hits me... Im all alone... Im alone. Egie was right... Im alone...Then I cried...

For Ratna, it's her and Liea and jelutong's resident...For Liea, it's 4 of us... For Egie, it's 4 of us...
For me? I don't know...

It is a mess

Today I have 2 meetings. The first one will be the meeting of the dance club and the second one will be the meeting with the final project group. And it absolutely gave me a headache... I feel like crying. I think this is because too much ego in me...

I dun wan people to think that we are not capable of doing any performances.
I dun wan them to think that we are greedy for asking any money for the performances...
I dun wan to ruin the club image...(which has been ruined last time).
I dunno what to do next...

I feel like want to cry...
Sob...
I still have my last mask on the face... Smile... and I dun think can put this mask one for a long time...

Slap

I had a presentation just now... 1 minutes ago... It was not good. Me, as a leader, was suck. I almost fall from my confident level. I almost cannot keep my confident mask on. My strong mask almost fall down.

It is raining... It explains everything in my mind...

Mr. Vincensius Agustian Chandra

Who is he? He is Vin-Vin. Yup. That is Vin-Vin' full name. Yes. Im referring to my 'best-friend', Vin-Vin.

He is my best buddy. I can talk loads of things to him. I like to talk to him. Im happy having him as my friend. He always gives me suggestion when I got a problem (instead of making me even more confuse, like what other people do). In short, I like him.

But, he wont talk to me now. What is his problem? All of a sudden he dun wanna talk to me anymore. What the H? He makes me confuse. Im blank. Have no idea. Why is he like that to me? If there's anything wrong, can't he just tell me? Scream at me or whatsoever. He cannot just keep silent like that! That frustrates me!

We had this fight last time. Well, not a fight. It was da same thing. He wont talk to me. I was confused (as I am now). I ask my friends, Mr. Franc. He wont say anything about that. I was sure that he knew something. Then finally he told me that Vin2 was irritated by the gossip between me and him. The gossip was like a disaster. The gossips says: "VinVin and Har will get married after school"...WHAT THE HELL? Who? Who? Me? Him? We? Both of us? Are you sure? Me and him? Him and me? Vincensius Agustian Chandra and Haryati Sugianto? That is a big no no!!! Who want to marry their own brother? Well, I know some people do, but majority no. Rite? Cmon. Can't I have a best-friend who is apparently a guy? So I can only have female friend? Think! Use your brain! Oh my~~ Why dun they say that Im gonna marry Franc as well (since he is also one of my best buddy)? Those people need help.

I dunno who to blame. Feel like wanna kill those people who spread stupid news. Or I wanna angry with VinVin for not telling me anything and just ignore me instead.

That was settled. Done. But now, he's acting like that again. What is wrong? Can someone please tell me?

Again, I ask Franc but he know nothing about that problem this time. So I ask his help to ask VinVin. He did. And the result?
Franc : he wont tell. weird guy...
Me : what? why? wat did u say to him?
Franc : i said "why do u ignore her. wat is wrong?". Then he said there's nothing wrong.
Me : he didnt say anything else? But he did agreed that he ignore me?
Franc : I dunno. Didnt ask further...

WTH?

I have tried to call him like, what, 100 times? He didnt answer my call.
I wish him happy birthday on 17 August. He didnt even say thank you to me. I remembered his bday! He didnt wish me happy bday on my bday this year. Im broken-hearted you know...

I just hope he will talk to me again.

ps: will post my picture and him tomorrow...

Money

Dont money always bring "problem" along with them? They do sometimes bring happiness. But mostly they come with problem. Why do I say so? Because that is what happened to me now. And this post is not a funny post. It's serious post. If you dont like to read something serious, please just skip this.

Let me tell you what. First of all, to make the story easier, you need to know that my uncle (my mother's bro) is in the hospital. He is suffering from diabetes, kidney problem, his heart pump slowly, and many more. In short, he is having this compound fracture thing. Surely not a good news for me. And surely not a good news for my mom. Which of coz, not a good news for my dad.

Truly speaking, without exaggerate it, my dad is a very generous person. My mom's family is not a rich family (Im not saying that my dad is rich). My mom has an older bro, 2 younger sis, and 1 younger bro. One of my mom's sister has passed away because of womb cancer. I love her so much. I feel sorry for my mom. The other sis of my mom is a very tough and shy lady, she never ask any help from my mom. Perhaps because she thinks it wont be nice asking money from my mom or perhaps because she is shy, who knows.

The younger bro of my mom has 3 children who bring loads of problem for my family (my dad specifically). He is unemployed. My father gave him job, which he never do it correctly. His eldest son, ask money to get married (he never talk straight to my dad's face-he talk through my mom). His 2nd son, always ask for money for any kind of reason (he never talk straight to my dad as well). His youngest child, his daughter, sometimes she asks for money. Sometimes she doesnt...at least not always...

And now, the older bro of my mom is sick. Guess who pays for the hospital? Yes, you guessed it right. MY DAD. Can you feel what my mom feel? Do you understand how doubtful she is when she ask for the money?

What frustrates me more is that I cannot be a good daughter myself. I even failed one of my subjects last time. Why cannot I just study well? Why am I so lazy? I know it is because of my commitment is not strong enough. I regret every time that I spent here (including blogging). But I need to write this. I need to talk. I need to tell someone. Although blog cannot speak back to me. But I need to let it out from me. So here I am...so called "talking" to my blog...

I dun post funny things. I post darkness and guess what? I dun care.

Final Exam is KILLING me

This is the second last (or mayb the last) post about exam... I promise..

I just cannot stop thinking about the final exam thing. It' s like everywhere... Im so afraid of the paper. Why? I should be cool with it since I've learning that subject for the whole semester. Right? Right? And, should I have a kiasu thingy? Huh? Im so deperate...

First Exam

Ehem... So, I think I will still update the blog. Haha...
Today is my first exam paper. How was my test? I dont know. I can pass (I guess). That is good enough for me. Lousy me.

Tomorrow Im going to have another exam. That subject is killing me you know... Well, I just wish all the best for me for the Wednesday paper. I HAVE to pass that subject in order to do my final project. See? Wish me luck ya... Im so worry about that.

Maybe some people say "why do you need to worry so much about you mark?". Hey, It is different. You are who you are. I am me. It is totally different. It is a different thing. For me, my result is very important. I have a BIG goal that I want to achieve. And I need a good mark for it. I NEED it. Sigh... Please wish me luck...

Assignments

Why do people call it assignment? Because it is something that assigned to us. Well, stupid answer. I just do not understand why does an assignment can make someone so stress? I just can't stand it.


Perhaps people like Shawn, Brian would never stress about their assignments. Right? Wat is in their brain? Why they are so smarT? If I eat like them, talk like them, walk like them, study like them, can I be as smart as they are? I dont think so...

I feel like a fool compare to "those" people... It's like Im doing nothing and they are doing something instead. Arghhhhh...

I gtg... Need to do my assignments. 3 to go. One of them is Data Structure and Algorithm which I completely have no idea about. Sigh... How am I gonna pass this semester securely? I CAN! Of course I can (encouraging myself)... T_T